From civilization can not escape: it will overtake us everywhere. Previously, she overtook me, mostly at work because my workplace was equipped with all the benefits of progress in the form of a desk lamp, a fax and a personal computer with free (for me personally) Internet connection. As for my non-working life, she was full of technological innovations.

The first part of the ballet Marlezonskogo. Overture.

However, I must say that I, like many in our busy world, nothing was inclined to appreciate the modest pleasures of life - the silence of his cozy apartment, which was not made public all sorts of high-tech sounds, communication by means of the vocal apparatus, kindly provided to me by Mother Nature, and health its nervous system .  Quite the contrary - I suffered severely from what my abode hopelessly behind the technical development of humanity .  Alas, in my household was not a plasma TV with a vast area of ​​the screen, or flavoring the air cleaner or subtracts me of scientific and technical journal molotopodobnoy saws with two blades that can perform deep, accurate cuts in the wall of brick, concrete, plaster or wood .  There was in my apartment, and personal computers with Internet connection, for which I am especially shamed friends .  Me, however, is not worried until news of the technological breakthrough in the industry of power saws are not made me think deeply about their own hopeless backwardness of scientific and technical progress .  That evening I learned from the program "Time" that my well-being once again increased sensitively, and the decision on the computerization of the apartment was inevitable .

The first of my plans for the future husband learned. I must say that the news did not cause him to enthusiasm, which I hoped in my heart. The husband, as it turned out, consider buying a computer not spend a single and reusable, and even constant, I suspect that in the near future the main item of expenditure of the family will pay gatherings on the Internet and was afraid that the presence in our house this collection of chips will force me to pay less attention to himself head of the family. In addition, her husband did not care, our technical backwardness, he lacked the Internet at work, and to engage in the acquisition and installation have had neither the desire nor the time. I had a long time to explain about the mobile phone connected to the refrigerator and microwave oven Microwave - irreplaceable assistant modern housewife , About the smart home technology and electronic door locks, which I did not ask, but it could. However, finally broke the resistance of my betrothed only the prospect of buying molotopodobnoy saws. Her husband waved his hand, made me promise that acquisition, and software will I do personally, and that the family council is ended. The following week, my husband went to the store and bought me a computer.

The room, which was conceived as a child, once acquired a modern look. Computer friendly moaned and blinked yet installed inside the Windows 98. That's what I sought. Engage on my newly acquired no hunting was not because crawled home after nine hours daily sitting in front of the monitor, I most like to dine in a relaxed atmosphere, and fell on the bed with a book, where with time and sleep. But her husband has once again illustrated the famous man's inconsistency: he banged put on the table in front of me a hill CDs and do not portend anything good voice said, "Come on." From that moment on, my life rolled downhill.

As I was on "giving" I'm not quite imagined. I shook my philological education that I did not work, and inspected the knowledge acquired in the workplace extends only mailer Bat, which at home I did not have, and a package of Microsoft Office, which I had yet to install. There was nothing: under the watchful eye of her husband, I remembered as a child to read the book "Mastering the microcomputer" and certain views became peck on the button. Dig up half an hour, I barely installed Word, Excel, program for viewing DVD-ROM drive and the game "Civilization". At this point I stopped. Actually the computer is more than anything I did not need and could only wait, when we stretch the fiber optic cable and connect our new family member to the World Wide Web.

The second part of Marlezonskogo ballet. Cable.

This significant event happened just two weeks. As it turned out, in our area there was a clear oversupply wishing to join the scientific and technical progress. In addition, it appears that the connection only on weekdays, and the working day employees exactly coincides with ours. I timidly hinted to her husband that it would be good to him personally control the process, but my faithful this hint rudely ignored. And so it happened that the time off from work and watch our connection I had to.

To its credit, the company provides us the Internet, it should be noted that its employees were on time, were very courteous and running quickly .  Only now remove the cable under the baseboard, they did not, but it fell short of the floor to the computer, I wound off generously extra five meters and left all this beauty in the midst of apartments .  Not even anticipating anything wrong, I inquired if they would accidentally hide somewhere cable .  But they did not want to, and I thought, not this homespun truth of the Russian intelligentsia, did not insist and meekly signed the act of acceptance and surrender .  Now, upon this document I flaunted my signature, certifying that all of us with the cable well, and I have no complaints to him, nor to the company do not have .  Goodbye to Internet users, I looked around the apartment .  Internet play on the monitor with rainbow colors, and the floor was covered with deposits of fiber, which is hidden in the bowels of home slippers, rugs and toys Koshkin .  I went with a light heart to work .  I thought that was the end .

What all did not end discovered when I returned home from work. Optical fiber is still lying in the middle of the corridor, and it sported a cat. In the eyes of her husband read the questions clearly. I immediately told my husband that they had no one cord is not removed, so the re-call them useless. The next day, her husband took someone at work hammer and said that drill holes in the walls and pave the cable from the front door to the computer room, so much so that the cable will not be seen. I believe her husband, all the more so, since all the technical issues have been settled with the computer, the urbanization I really do not care.

The first time I sensed something was wrong when her husband drilled hole to the neighbors. However, it is unknown happened if the bit on the other side, but it is moving in the direction of the neighbors became clear when, drilled twenty centimeters, the husband decided to still make some measurements and calculations, and then unexpectedly found that the wall we have a little curve. Making course corrections husband drilled out in our wardrobe, which in itself would have been nice if the only outlet of the drill was not a bit more than expected. As a result of the drilling of the wall inside the cabinet fell off a piece of plaster the size of my palm.

So, all the prerequisites for disaster were obvious. The first step in the gulf was the beginning of the drilling itself, the second - the collapse of the plaster. We were still able to avoid the worst - though calmed down when stretched cable through all the holes. But no. My husband - an esthete. His gentle soul wounded by the idea of ​​a hole in the bottom far corner of our closet. He decided it repaired.

Actually, I do not know exactly what happened on that fateful April evening in terrible hour between 21.30 and 22.20. After the collapse of the plaster, I did not expose his slender philological nature further tested the people's means of expression, which turned in a rush of feeling my husband. So I retired to the bedroom, taking the book and began to read.

My peace of mind is only violated unexpectedly loud and angry shouts. I decided that my husband gave himself a hammer on one hand, and the neighbors probably cursed all the construction of eight hours of the evening, now feel revenge. But the cries of all did not cease, and five minutes later burst into the bedroom, and the hero of the celebration, after which I had perforce to take part in an event.

I still did not understand how my husband managed to kill Cable .  In my opinion he himself did not understand .  But the fact remains that in order to get out of the embedded wall unknown way inside the walls of a broken cable, took our combined efforts and a quarter of an hour .  As a result of this operation on the cable was a sorry sight .  We did however have measured and found that he was interrupted right in the middle, that is, for all its length to hang on any part of the shield on the landing before the computer was not possible .  Cable shook their tape, and then, until such time as they arrived the same builders and hid it under the plinth, he was interested in the cat even more than before .  The last came our fellow Internet companies, shook his head, looking at the bandaged tape cable, cut the extra meters and fitted a new connector .  Money for that he took us apparently decided to take money from the poor - sin .

The third part Marlezonskogo ballet. XP

Continued computer vicissitudes happened some time later and saddened we deserved weekend.

Technology in the hands of an Indian - a pile of scrap metal, once said to me at the light Newbie friend Dima, observing how I am trying to disable autorun CDs. Ashamed of my ignorance, I let his computer. Dima was then informed that on the computer I found a little shame, not lined immensely many different interesting programs, including daily required and vital. Before I could blink, like out of nowhere, on the basis of a grand piano in the bushes, there was a small collection of cd's and cdrw. Rather than have mastered Windows 98, Dima gave me XP, and then withdrew, making sure that it is good. The first day of creation was completed. And dealing with the new interface, I still had no idea that the first day of creation was not the last.

The next morning I sent my husband to the store, and she took up cooking dinner. For doing this, and I found Dima, who knocked on the door, clutching a foot dvuhkilogrammovy bag. The contents of the aforementioned bag, as it turned out, were a variety of media.

Trying to depict facial expression of a pleasant surprise, I resignedly said aloud, "Hello", and thought to herself two thoughts. First, well, now everything, goodbye my computer.
  And second, well, I'm already in my pants. My husband, whom I had reported about the joy of the blue on the phone, darkly suggested that in its absence everything will be fine, without specifying what he meant. I suspected that he was in the form of occurrence of bullying, but for it had nothing to worry. Hazing we did not have, that is, with my participation. But my computer is received in full.

Dima began briskly - with, I found Russified ICQ. That was very helpful, especially given the linguistic tendencies of my husband who is versed in foreign letters only with difficulty. I translated was the spirit, and that here there was regular and even predictable event that Dimon us somehow seemed not only unexpected, but downright out of hand. Windows XP fell. More precisely, their Dima dropped.

Next it was fun, but I do not recall that we were happy .  The husband came inquired about our successes, drank beer with us, then left again, then again he came and had lunch, and we put all of Dimon and put Windows XP .  Life was beautiful and amazing .  Computer, moaning, growling, already gave something completely unintelligible and almost just is not smoked .  And we had fun as they could .  At first we shared drive on a bunch of disks and put XP on every to get to each of the previous and find out why he did not want to run .  Gradually, we began to receive it, we got to the very first, to make sure that the tears of sorrow will not help, and formatted disk .  Then we looked at each other's eyes, realized that there were files, that when formatting we happily lost, at first I lost it, and then it has gained, but lost all of Philology appearance, and then demonstratively left, then came with a book under his arm, he plunged into Haruki Murakami story and began to try to calm down .  Not immediately, but I did it .  Then we have to order a couple of times put XP, then we have to remove it from everywhere and several formatted disks .  At this stage, Dimona's eyes were bloodshot, and I have discovered a tendency to giggle sleepwalking .  Perhaps if our experiments have lasted at least another hour, her husband would have to be called from a neurological clinic for an ambulance, but suddenly everything was normal as suddenly as broken, XP were not dropped, although not used to look at it was strange .

Install XP firmly, we had a little rest, and then with new forces began to Dima stored bags. Lessons from a bag of the program took the entire desktop, and so I do not confuse later, I sorted all: here - network here - the protection here - utilities here - office, here - the game. At that my anguish were over, and the result exceeded all expectations.

The fourth part Marlezonskogo ballet. Moral.

Cat occasionally picks out from under the baseboards Cable duct tape plastered and every time I am afraid that she is his peregryzet .  My morning begins with the fact that I go to the server of Statistics and sad to learn their traffic .  Evenings husband spends discussing nobody interesting topics with fellow motorists, and I - in conversations with someone unknown do not know what .  By popular demand of the workers in the face of my husband, the Windows desktop I now decorated for something vaguely resembling Stonehenge .  I have spent one day watching Dima furious, spitting in different directions poisonous saliva, and knowing Mysterious previously verge of the great and mighty Russian language, and later I was waiting for the continuation of the installation process on my home computer of all programs in the world .  The interface is now reminiscent of my Windows remote control strategic nuclear missiles ground-to-ground .  On top of all of my conclusions, Dima (like to think the best of intentions), I found a small, but very necessary program that notifies when I ping .  I do not know what that means, but it is constantly worried that I was someone pings .

But it is all nonsense. Now I am completely familiar with all the benefits that gives us civilization. At home I have my own personal computer. And it is a necessary thing. Not any electric saw there

Daria Nedelina

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