Most people do every day to communicate with colleagues, friends, customers, relatives, but in most cases we do not listen as carefully as they could, and sometimes should. Man always something distracting - TV, Internet, telephone, their own thoughts, and so on. He thinks he hears the interlocutor, but in fact his attention is scattered, and it is often very noticeable. Ability to listen - this is probably one of the most useful skills for a person to learn and this is not too difficult.

Acknowledgement

Set out in your own words the general sense the source said, and ask: "Do I understand correctly, this is what you had in mind? ". So you will not only show the person that listen to it carefully, but the very best catch the meaning of what he said.

Summarizing

Summarize all the problems mentioned by the source, and try to make them into the conclusion. Set out this conclusion interlocutor, and ask whether he agrees with it.

Encouragement

Use conversation interjections ("um," "uh-huh") and short phrases ("I understand," "Yeah" "And what happened next?") Show the other person that you are listening and will motivate him to speak more .

Display your interlocutor that you understand his feelings

It is better to go with a standard "understand", and, for example, phrases such as "I can see for you is really important", "it is no wonder that you were so hurt," and so on. It is also useful to mark not only the relationship of man to the topic of conversation, but also his general emotional state. For example: "Of course, you are now depressed / angry / disturbed," and so on.

Suggest think

Once a person going to present your problem, ask him, for example: "How do you think would happen if you ..." - to complete the sentence, based on the situation. It can touch up a man on the way to solve the problem, which he has not yet noticed, and will help you better understand it.

Do not be afraid of silence

If the interviewee was silent, let him collect his thoughts, and do not try that at all costs to fill a pause - even if it causes you some discomfort.

Feedback

If a person is interested in your opinion, are set out in sufficient detail it, and without deviating from the topic. It is important that your answer was obvious that you're really listening.

Time for reflection

If you can not immediately give the person advice that he was waiting for, tell him what you think about it a problem for some time. After a day or two once again meet up with a person, call or write to him, and reported on the results of his thoughts.

Do not be distracted

A man who knows how to listen, during a conversation does not look at the clock, not engaged in drawing up a work plan for next week, is watching TV with one eye. If you know that you will be an important conversation, we should also turn off the mobile phone, so that nothing distracts you.

Ask questions arising from the fact that they talk.

Do not interrupt

This advice may seem obvious, but some people, however, often interrupted his interlocutors. Just do not do it.

Do not insist

If a person is talking about his problem, he suddenly stops and decides to change the subject, do not ask him to continue the story. No need to convince him to talk, claiming that because of this it will be easier; if you really know how to listen, you must understand the unwillingness of man speak about certain subjects.

Look at the problems of other people's eyes

When a person shares with you their problems, try to see the situation through his eyes, not his. Many people are able to put yourself in the place of another, but in such cases they are, that would make and how would have behaved, having its capabilities. To accurately assess the situation, you need to see it from the perspective of another person, and seek solutions to problems, to the best of his opportunities.

What usually avoid talking people who know how to listen

• The question "why? ". This question often makes people desire to start making excuses, but it does not contribute to a constructive dialogue.
• The phrases "Do not worry, everything will be fine", and the like. It is better to say nothing than to respond to the problem of human words, which many people quite rightly interpret as an unwillingness to delve into the essence of the conversation and pay attention to the interlocutor.
• A strong recommendation. "I think you need to do so" - such words peremptory tone, the vast majority of cases heard by the people who listen attentively, but that there is always a ready solution other people's problems. People who really know how to listen, usually advise caution, and only if they request it.
• Pity. Generally, self-pity - a very unconstructive feeling. When a person starts to feel sorry for yourself, it is usually turned off the ability to sober analysis of the situation. So do not tell the person that he is poor and unfortunate; if you have nothing to say, sit silently next to hug or take the hand, but do not regret.
• Categorical judgments. "You should / should not have," "This is wonderful / terrible", and so on. In every problem there are several different sides, and they can not describe and analyze, if you divide all the phenomena solely on good and bad. So avoid categorical judgments, otherwise your partner may decide that you are either not very smart, or just want him to dismiss.

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