Why is it so hard to be good parents

Being a good parent is possible. You may be sensitive to the child. Can it support and praise. You can show your love to him.

But this does not mean that all the world shall fight not against you, doing everything possible to complicate your task. Here are some of the factors that prevent us from being a good parent and keep your hands away from the enticing button called "control".

The opinion of other parents

It's easy to judge other parents, to draw conclusions about their personality and character, based on the behavior and actions of their children. Since the education of the child is considered initially the responsibility of the mother, the responsibility for his "bad behavior" falls on it. "I failed to raise a bad mother" - the verdict of others is swift and severe. Sometimes it is expressed in disapproving or condescending look, and sometimes - in the scornful behavior, and often in words.

Some parents do not hesitate to discuss other, fathers and mothers of friends of their own children, often in the presence of a child. Discuss adults (especially those with whom he is acquainted) in the presence of a child - nepedagogichno, but this state of affairs, unfortunately, widely prevalent.

Have you ever been the subject of such a discussion? How do you respond to criticism of your educational methods? "Tighten the screws" and tighten control not to look "bad" mother or father in the eyes of other parents?

Meanwhile, in this situation, do the following: never evaluate other parents in terms of their educational methods, and try not to respond to the criticism of outsiders in your address.

Compensation

When a child does not receive the necessary attention in the family and support it unconsciously "switches" in the emotional "survival mode." In this case, his mind playing this album, "I can only trust myself. So I'll do whatever I need to meet my needs. "

If you think that it is about an orphaned child, accustomed to the absence of the parents, and even after being hit by a family unable to "switch", you are wrong. Lack of attention and support - it is so common in our society, what about it, nobody says. Moreover, this phenomenon is observed not only in so-called dysfunctional families, but families exemplary demonstration in which there is a father and a mother.

There is a whole range of behavior of children suffering from a lack of parental attention and love. Those who still occasionally fall to the crumbs of parental attention, often called wayward, stubborn, lazy. They are considered perfectionists, obsessed with control, weak-willed or rags that nowhere seek. Sometimes they are accused of selfishness.

Although all these allegations are not unfounded, it is only the superficial manifestation of deeper problems. Trying to help a teenager to "collect" and change are unlikely to succeed, as in this case, you must solve the most hidden problems of communication with parents, not fight them visible manifestations.

Those teenagers who are completely deprived of parental attention and are on the other end of the scale, more often get in the limelight. They are poor, often aggressive behavior is usually blamed on - among other things - oppositional defiant disorder, teenage rebellion, denial of social norms and values ​​accepted in society, or conduct disorder. Even if the diagnosis is correct, the treatment of these disorders does not eliminate their hidden reason - lack of parental attention and love as a child.

Regardless of the degree of manifestation of the "symptoms", the effects of parental neglect can be very serious. To prevent further complications should consult a professional psychologist who specializes in fathers and children.

Raising a child alone

If you educate a child without his mother or father, you have a tough test.

In this case, the child's life to be a mentor or role model, although the majority of parents bringing up children alone, recognized that the search for such a man, a child who would like to emulate, rather difficult. In addition, the role model of find still insufficient. Perhaps my mother or father have with your child to visit family psychologist Family psychology: whether to resort to his aid? .

If you are raising a child alone, you can meet his needs and in love, and support.

Successful parents - who are they?

No matter whether you are raising a child alone or with your spouse, you should permanently delete the word "control" from your vocabulary and replace it with the phrase "support and love." Bearing in mind the main purpose of their parents, do not forget about the "little things": to buy a child the kind of thing to come to sports in which it is involved, to teach him how to behave at the table, visit the countless performances, if he is engaged in music, to carry him to exercise or classes through the city, to learn to understand people and to count money, to punish, to encourage something to prohibit something permit, establish rules and repeat them over and over again.

If you do so every day of the year, you will greatly increase the likelihood that your child will grow a good person and multiple personality with the right priorities. No one can guarantee a perfect result, but you have tipped the scales in favor of your son or daughter. This is the main task of the parents.

Get used to the idea that all your deeds and actions as a father or mother should be directed to support and development of the child, especially in the transition to adulthood Transitional age . Moreover, support should be unobtrusive, so that it seemed to him insulting or embarrassing.

And do not forget that the most important word for parents - is not a "perfect" or "right" and "sufficient".

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