Picture this: you come back from the store and it turns out that in the absence of your own daughter, four-year-including a washing machine to wash clothes for dolls, and flooded neighbors. Or five year old son in an attempt to repair the "Dandy", opened the game machine body when she was alive ... Usually, after such experiments, if nothing wrong and did not have time to happen, my mother's tears of joy replaced by a reprimand, which will remain in the memory of the child one of the brightest memories of childhood.

Yes, you understand that it is necessary to provide the child more opportunities for independence, no one wants to see her son an obedient executor of others' needs. But at the same time it is a positive quality only until such time as it does not cross the boundaries of permissible and does not become dangerous.

"Dose" INDEPENDENCE

The question of the "dose" of independence necessary for the child to develop properly, rises in every family. The first time the actions of the child is always the leading role of the adult. But the kid is growing with each passing year the influence of parents becoming less and less clear. Gradually, step by step, it collects its own experience, discovering the unwritten rules of behavior, in a word, it "grows" poddinnaya independence. Three year old, we praise for the ability to accurately have to dress without the help of adults to wash, but all this is not enough for the five-year period of positive characteristic.

Psychologists say three levels of self-behavior in a child's development. The first - when he is acting in the ordinary conditions for it without reminders and assistance to adults: cleans itself after the game dice, he goes to wash their hands before eating, he said "thank you" and "please". Second - when the child is properly fed in the new and unusual, but similar situations. For example, learning to wash after walking shoes, your daughter without a clue cleaned boots old grandmother. And finally, the third - when mastered a child the right to acquire general in nature and operates in all conditions: for example, he brought the boy to the chair-advanced your neighbor "and offered to sit down, gave way to a senior on the bus, you took the bag Bags - a necessary thing in every woman's wardrobe   with food.

The better the child has mastered and understand the rules of conduct, the greater it will apply them in life. Unfortunately, very often, in the words of encouraging a baby for their ability to act independently, the parents at the same time suppress his initiative. The four-year daughter, intending to visit, wearing not the dress, and you criticize her for arbitrariness. Five year old son he can find for yourself interesting activities for which he is praised, but yesterday he opened the bookcase, took enthusiastically considered atlas of anatomy and was punished for having taken this book without permission.

MILLION "NOT"

None of us will push your child into a cage with a tiger, to teach self-defense. It is clear that it should not be provided in a situation where he alone is simply not cope with the difficulties. But it is clear both: constantly holding our hand, the child will never learn anything. Where is the search for the "golden mean"?

Mom says five-year son, "Hill on the playground is too high for you, do not climb up to it." Go for a walk in the yard without a mother can not be "big boy hurt." Help Grandpa in the country is impossible, "You still early to pick up a hammer, put in place." -Let Swimming pool a waste of time: "Music lessons you need to" ... And in a few years, this mother will choose not only the son of the "right" school and future occupation, but a companion. Such guardianship suppress any initiative. Sometimes this is due to the blind parental love or fear of an accident, and sometimes the baby surrogate parent (usually mother) all other possibilities for self-realization. Grandparents who remember its not too happy childhood, trying to take on as many issues, including those that may have a grandson decide for himself.

Parents sometimes forget that one of the main problems in education is to prepare children for the period of life when he will leave your cozy nest and try to twist his own. What if he did not succeed, because you have deprived him of the possibility to try their own strength, to experience natural disappointment and failure? ..

What prevents grow up?

Inability and ignorance gradually replaced by professional child in his age limits available only if you are trying to instill in your child a variety of skills and to learn to think. Excessive obedience appears due to severe restrictions and excessive control. In your power to remove at least some of the prohibitions and not to interfere with the child's self-expression. Waiting punishment. Do not use carrots and sticks to the issues of education. Punishment only temporarily stops the negative behavior, but does not eliminate the cause. The absence in the family atmosphere of free creativity. For children is very important and personal example of parents. The desire to imitate adults and ample opportunities for a variety of activities will encourage the child's initiative.
Foolish predictions parents: "You will remain without hands" (the boy was trying to cut off a piece for the future of the boat). "You want to be robbers stole ?!" (girl asked to let her walk around the house), etc. Such comments can not teach a child anything.

Dmitry Sapozhnikov

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