When a child does not listen and refuses to do what you asked of it, many parents feel as if engaged in a contest of tug of war: the two sides with the same tenacity struggling pull the rope over, and none of the parties does not succeed .

Parents often say, "Do not try my patience," when they think the child is resisting their authority, or tries to undermine the credibility somehow prevent them to perform the most important and the most important task - to be good parents. They often forget that the need to adjust is not the intention of the child and his behavior. Therefore, when parents are warned: "Do not try my patience," the problem is that they take a child's disobedience to your account, see it as a personal challenge and a manifestation of rebellion against parental authority.

How to cope with a rebellious teenager?

Imagine this situation: the mother says son-teenager: "Sit down to do homework." The son replied: "I do not want. Why can not I watch this episode? You never let me finish what I'm doing! "

The mother feels the growing irritation - son questioned her credibility, and shouts: "Immediately go to my room and sit down for lessons. And the punishment for disobedience you are deprived of the TV for the whole evening! ".

What she has achieved this? Just the fact that my son even more angry and shouted: "You are evil! Why should I listen to you? "

In this situation, one should pay attention to two things. First, the child can actually feel the parents, questioning their credibility, but if you treat it as a call to disobedience, it will do little to resolve the situation. When you accept what is happening to your account, it is very hard not to lose control over events, and maintain objectivity and equanimity. Remember that you must find the best solution, rather than give vent to their own emotions. Moreover, often it seems that the child does not respond specifically checking your reaction, but in fact he just disorganized, inattentive, or impulsive, and does not want to annoy you.

Secondly, answering his provocative (if it takes place) tightening of control, you show your weakness, which he will certainly take advantage of in the future. You turn quite ordinary situations into conflict and showdown "who is stronger." And yet even if you win this fight characters, believe me, one day when the advantage is on the side of the child and he uses against you your own weapons, which you so successfully fought with him.

Small manipulators

Remember that children use to get the desired power in the same way as adults do. They're just honest, and do not know how to use different, not always valid, the means to achieve goals and maintain control, and the power they have quite a bit. Therefore, it is not necessary to prompt children how to get more power and control - sooner or later they will beat you to your own game and you can not do anything.

Do not try to correct the child, make a complaint to his character - fix his behavior. So instead of having to start the showdown, just select a child that he needs to do, providing further developments. For example:

• Child: "I do not want to do homework, I need to go through this level in the game, and besides, I'm hungry! ".
• You "immediately sit down for lessons. Do not go to the kitchen. If you want a snack, I'll get you a sandwich. " Or: "We have already talked about this, and I will not come back to this."

Then you can turn around and leave the room, letting him know that the conversation was over.

If the child still does not listen, he must know that every action has a consequence, and he will have to answer for their disobedience. The main thing - not to get personal and do not fall into the trap of the struggle for control in the relationship.

It should be noted that in some cases the phrase "Do not try my patience" is quite appropriate, for example, if you want to remind your child that "disobedience did not bring you anything good last time, do not try again."

Let us return to our situation:

• You: "Go do homework."
• Child: "I do not want. Why can not I play video games? "
• You: "Do not try my patience. You know what it was over the last time. "

Often, the child needs to caution or a warning that tells you that he went too far and will still obey their parents and do what he is asked.

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