You thought that these people will be there always. You call them to tell how was the first date First date: everything is just beginning For which they are collected with you, and you have fun, discuss how you behave on the second. Well, that certainly was invited to the third! However, you do not hesitate to cancel this third (and fourth, twenty one hundred and fifth) date, if they happen to something that will certainly require your participation. And then come running. Because these people - your friends.

Terms relations

Just friends and loved - your family. Closer and more important to them for you there is no one. And you thought it - forever.

It turned out that it seemed.

One day is not you risk to find that friends who you thought little brothers and sisters, you began to feel alien people. A favorite sincerely do not understand why you are angry because of the fact that his friends do not go to you for the third day. To such discoveries are not caught you by surprise, ask yourself a few key questions to help you understand the right direction moving your relationships with loved ones.

I think about it all the more worth it if lately you notice mood swings, for which there is no special reason. It may well be that it is just that you have not build a close relationship. Or not with the people.

For example, when you look at Ian, 23, a sales manager, he immediately understand what the family fortune. She's crazy about her boyfriend, Maxim, and says that she loves him "unconditionally". That is, without demanding anything in return. And while just glows with happiness.

However, this approach does not find support in today's society. At least among those over 18. Build relationships very difficult. We have to compromise in some way to adapt to the other. Leaves less time for themselves - and for what used to be our life: hobbies, friends and hobbies. Change habits. Learn to cook, finally. In the adult world, relationships are built for something!

But back to Yana. Jan - pretty blonde. She often laughs and smiles a very warm smile. When you talk, it seems that you come to visit. And away you are very happy. In addition, Ian prepares perfectly: her pancakes Pancakes: solar circle of abundance   always flew a crowd of friends.

However, its approach to relations will not save even that.

Maxim has repeatedly tried to get away from it. She repeatedly tried to stop him their "unconditional love."

Here are some tips on how to build healthy relationships. That is, those in which no one seeks to leave, no one else is trying his best to hold him back, and if these two and quarrel (which, of course, happens, it's a healthy relationship of two healthy people with their healthy interest), such arguments certainly moving in the gentle acceptance. Or magical sex.

1) Respect - others and themselves.

Do not underestimate this seemingly self-evident sense of respect. The relationship without respect, and mutual, it is impossible to build. And it is important that you both appreciate each other's feelings. Jan, for example, as strange as it may sound, does not appreciate the feelings of Maxim. She drowns them with their "unconditional love." With this approach, Maxim itself becomes less important. In the center of the universe Yanina - her feelings! They justify it co-exist with a loved one. They are also trying to keep the existence of this. Look closely at the person with whom to sleep and wake together. He has his habits, hobbies and interests. They turned once your attention to this person. They make it special. You're still not forgotten that the man next to you - special, right?

But remember and respect for yourself! It is not necessary to invest in the relationship completely. Do not forget your hobbies and interests. Because of this you will not be dependent on a loved one or friend who completely surrender all of their senses. There is nothing wrong with a lot to give to loved ones. But what, after all, and it should be left to themselves.

2) Keep your distance.

Do not be afraid to be someone close. This is the most natural and healthy desire. Properly built a close relationship like nothing else give you strength, support and inspiration. But for all that, and was determined for each of those who surround you, the degree of closeness. It should allow you to feel comfortable in dealing with this person. Just decide for yourself how much you are willing to give him: the time of warmth and candor. And do not exceed this limit.

Withstanding a healthy emotional distance from others. You just need air - your personal space. In every relationship is to set clear boundaries. This boundary is saying to others: "Here ends you and I begin." You need to define a place for each person in your life - and make it so that you feel comfortable at the same time. It is necessary that you have a good idea what kind of place, and to what comes your communication boundaries.

3) Build a system of coordinates.

It is obvious that the best relationships in our lives are formed with those who think the same as we are. It's nice to be around people with a similar system of values. As for those whose life goals are similar to ours.

Often a conflict with another person is the result of our conflict with him needs, aspirations and values. Failure to understand these differences, as well as the lack of attention to him, could lead to the fact that we offend others without even realizing.

To get a healthy relationship in which you understand and support, to communicate more with people who have similar hobbies with you. It is through the common interests we become best friends and build the strongest relationships. So stop to seek the location of those who thinks, lives and works not how you do it. Just having similar attitudes, you can give each other according to the effective assistance and wholehearted support.

4) Analyze.

If your relationship does not work or do not work too well, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I try to build friendships with people who do not like me?

• Do I want someone to remake the way, I believe will be best for him?

• Do I try to reach out to someone who is emotionally totally closed, perhaps even directly reject me?

For example, Ian, trying to love "unconditionally", refused to respect. Somewhere deep down, she does not believe that is worthy of a man who would love and appreciate her for a reason - for what it is.

The relationship that really suit us, - a relationship in which we can keep them. If you have to break yourself, to deserve love, friendship or someone's location, what you get in the end, be anything - not that to which you aspire. Friendship and romance, which of you do not care, you do not appreciate or support - for who you are - are too painful to support them. Run away from them! Or, at least, set the distance at which you will not feel so uncomfortable. If this does not help finish them.

5) Allow yourself a bit of healthy selfishness.

Life is too short to spend time painful, confusing and devoid of romantic relationship. Optional pick them in one day (this will cause you even more stress), but gradually withdrew from them is necessary. As you from people not suitable.

Do not give up intimacy with others - to give it to yourself. Believe me, it's true you need! However, make sure to choose the people with whom you divide it. And Appreciate them.

If you ask enough of the relationship (or not required of all), stop for some time to analyze how they stack up. Change your life in a way, to find support for something else. For example, to invest in a career. And then, thanks to getting another boss or a compliment Compliments   from a key customer, remind yourself that much standing. This will help you to understand that the "unconditional" love between two adults - too slippery road to follow it. It is certainly over a cliff.

And when the front in addition to the cliff there's nothing to choose a new direction of travel is not only extremely difficult, but the hurt. Ultimately, in this situation, you will be angry, do not ask myself, where everything goes before. When it was possible to still time to change something.

Time lost in the relationship in which many poorly understood (cold, or just unpleasant) - a time that can not be returned.

By asking yourself each time: "How close can I be with you, while remaining a" you'll be able to control the development of relations. Being close to some people ten minutes per week may be too much, while a other small and ten hours a day. Knowing how close or far you can steer this or that person, will give you a sense of "healthy contact" with itself.

And this is the most important relationship in your life.

Natasha Pavlova specifically for the Women's Club

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