Family quarrel: problem solving

"Lovely curse, only to amuse" - says a famous proverb. But as the current situation, it is not always true: according to statistics the number of divorces steadily catching up with the number of marriages. After all, in most cases, the gap between the spouses does not happen just like that, for no apparent reason, just because one member of the family one morning got up and wanted to get a divorce (such precedents also happen, but their number is so small that can be taken for statistical error). Cracks in the relationship are the result of family quarrels, which can be both a symptom and a cause of various family problems. That's why you need to understand in more detail what is a family quarrel and how to neutralize their harmful effects.

As born family quarrels

Everyone knows from personal experience that the reason for a family quarrel could be anything. Do not just rendered the trash, do not shut down in the bathroom light, too many phone calls, too loud unmute the TV showing live football, indecision in choosing what shoes to wear this dress when already late - the list can be truly endless. But do not confuse the motives and reasons: innumerable occasions, the reason most often can be reliably divided into several categories.

The most striking reason for family quarrels is, of course, jealousy Management of jealousy   one of the spouses .  The situation is complicated by the fact that even if the "guilty" party is really no reason not given, it will not help much - all the "arguments of the defense" will be ignored, because jealousy is a manifestation of emotions in a pure form of reason do not work here .  Another obvious reason for the quarrel is the so-called "enlightenment" is particularly common in young families .  When the most romantic period of living together, an average of six months to three years, extends to accept the disadvantages of a spouse can be difficult .  Moreover, often it turns out that passion with passion, and the differences in upbringing, education, life values, professional success, and so on constitute a breeding ground for a hidden envy, leading to open conflict .  Because sooner or later, when growing internal irritation due to the fact that the better half was not so great as imagined in dreams, start nitpicking small, quickly growing into a full-scale argument .

Besides, it does not disappear stark prose of life and material wealth, material comfort and equipped to really play an important role. Unfortunately, what little modern family can boast that satisfied with their financial situation. When it is necessary to roam the rented apartment, paying exorbitant interest on loans or for twenty years in the apartment was repaired, and the furniture bought in the Soviet Union, is already beginning to fall apart with a crash - there quarrels from going anywhere. Of course, in such cases, the main firepower of reproaches and criticism aimed at men - here recall the classic phrases like, "said my mother, and I'm a fool, do not listen ...", "I spent the best years of your life," and so on. However, men in such situations find an answer - that the house was not always tidy and dust in the closet is the third week, and soup Borsch: versatile dish for every taste   tasteless, and so on, ad infinitum. And if such conflicts with the different parties intervening relatives, then everything becomes entangled completely.

Rules of survival in a family quarrel

The family quarrels can not be winners or losers: everyone wins here any or all lose. Family quarrel may have a positive impact on the life of the cell of society, and then the winners will be the two sides. However, this requires common sense, the ability to listen to and hear the other party, mutual respect and, of course, love. Indeed, any quarrel - a way out of dissatisfaction that accumulated for some time. If you discover a problem in time, you can work together to find means of "treating disease" and put them into practice.

However, this influence family quarrels often just a theory, in life also have to look for ways to reduce the negative impact of strife to a minimum. And these methods are universal.

• Firstly, again have to revise their attitude to Russian folklore and forget this adage as "a bad peace is better than a good quarrel": in this case, just the opposite. Silence problems leads not to resolve them, but only to the accumulation of mutual discontent spouse until the time when the ball has become so unaffordable that will destroy any relationship and affection. Therefore, if there is any real cause for complaint, it must be express.
• Second, to express a voice, but it is certainly easy to do, without going no higher tones and without violent gestures in the spirit of the great heroes of the painting "Italian Marriage". In most cases, it is excited by the manner of communication, rather than a specific reason, makes a quarrel really serious.
• Third, of course, we need to refrain from mutual insults, unflattering comparisons and diffuse accusations like "You fuck up my whole life" - the dispute must have a specific subject, which is subject to discussion. More often starts with a dispute, then it moves to another, the third and forty-eight finishes.
• Fourthly, if the family has children, then any conflict between the parents should take place without the presence of children. Of course, first of all, it is dictated by considerations of security and integrity of the fragile psyche of children, but also for the parents of their absence on the "battlefield" is highly desirable - at some of the parties may be tempted to use the presence of the child as a weapon of argument that never It leads to no good.

Finally, it is of great importance and how to restore fellowship wife after a quarrel. Usually quarrel is dissatisfied with the results of at least one of the parties, and often both. And how quickly, politely and with the recognition of partial ownership of injustice and partial correctness of another smoothed the effects of the conflict depends on the extent to which the quarrel becomes a starting point on the way to solving the problem, a mine with a clockwork under the foundation of the family.

Alexander Babitsky

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