Surviving divorce can not be just anyone, even those who are its initiator. Family Divorce means drastic changes in his life, which inevitably entails stress. After a divorce, people lose not only relations but also common goals, dreams, habits, well-established way of life, family traditions. A man walks into uncharted territory of life, where everything you need to start again, and worst of all - it will have to do without the support of a spouse, which over the years of living together has become so familiar. There are concerns for the future, a lot of questions are difficult to answer right away. What is life without a partner? I will meet someone after a divorce or have to live rest of your life alone? Will there be enough money to live without a husband? How to deal with common credit and property? And with mutual friends? If the spouses have children, there will be more questions.

Surviving Divorce: Tips

• Do not suppress your feelings

Feel after a divorce wide range of emotions - from anger and fear to relief - is perfectly normal. It is important to realize that you are feeling, though in a stressful situation may seem, it is best to try to suppress and ignore their own emotions. In fact, it can lead to what you will experience the divorce longer and harder.

• Give yourself time to experience grief

For some time after the divorce you in all areas of life to operate less efficiently than usual, and this is perfectly normal. Do not try to pretend to be Superman and pretend that nothing can knock you out of the rut. Just admit that for a while you will have less power, concentration will be relatively low, you will not want a lot of talk and show initiative at work. It is advisable to superiors and colleagues know about your divorce - then they probably will treat your condition with understanding.

• Do not worry all alone Loneliness - this is not new, or why am I still alone?

Talk to friends and family about their feelings and the difficulties that you encounter after the marriage. If you want to contact them for help. Isolation may lead to increased levels of stress and deterioration of general health; In addition, only a few very powerful people can effectively deal with the challenges alone. For most it is too heavy a burden, so it is no shame to be in need of support and ask for help.

• Remember that your goal - to survive a divorce and not go into the negative emotions, the risk of getting stuck in them for a long time

Excessive soul-searching, the fixation on feelings of guilt or resentment will gradually pull out your forces and hinder move on.

• Remind yourself that you still have a future

People who are married, there is inevitably a joint future plans, hopes and dreams. After the divorce part with these plans and dreams is very difficult, but we need to remind ourselves that the collapse of your family does not mean that your future collapsed along with it. Do not be afraid to dream and plan - in the end, for the sake of new goals should as soon as possible to go on, had survived a divorce and leaving the past behind.

• Know the difference between a normal reaction to grief and depression

For the first time after the news that the wife filed for divorce, grief can be very strong, paralyzing the will, deprived of all powers. Gradually, however, the pain will recede, and every day you will feel better. If, however, the weeks and the mountain remains as strong, or begins to worsen (eg, there are thoughts of suicide), you may have depression. Other signs of depression:

1. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness;
2. Loss of interest in daily activities and hobbies;
3. Changes in appetite or weight;
4. Sleep problems;
5. Wanton temper tantrums and irritability;
6. A strong sense of guilt;
7. Problems with concentration and memory;
8. Weakness, lack of energy.

If you suspect depression Depression   as soon as possible address to the expert - it does not look that depression will pass by itself.

• Take some time for pleasure

Each day, find an opportunity to read an interesting book, yoga classes, soak in the bath, or enjoy a cup of tea in silence. Invent interesting activities for the weekend: for example, go on hikes and museums, arrange domestic film screenings with friends, and so on.

• Do not try to reduce stress with food, alcohol or drugs

Often people begin to overeat or abuse alcohol to relieve stress. It really will give you temporary relief, but in the long term can lead to loss of health, and it is much worse than a divorce.

• Look for new hobbies

Divorce - is not only a lot of trouble, but also the opportunity to discover something new. Take this opportunity and enjoy a new sport, learn to dance, go for a refresher course, or start to learn a new profession. New interests and knowledge, meet new people and to achieve will help you to quickly deal with negative emotions.

• Analyze past

This is necessary so as not to carry over into the future the old mistakes. Ask yourself, for example, the following questions:

1. As you contributed to the emergence of problems in the relationship with the former spouse?
2. You tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, or choose partners who do not suit you?
3. How do you behave in conflict situations, and how to cope with stress? How meaningful is your behavior?
4. Do you accept people as they are, and all the time thinking about what you would like to see them?
5. In difficult situations, you control your feelings, and your feelings control you?

The answers to these questions will help you better understand what should be paid attention to in the future, you need a partner, and how you should build relations in the family.

How to help your child through divorce

• Tell him the truth

Once you have decided on a divorce, inform the child and explain why in simple words - for example, say that you can no longer live together because of the frequent conflicts that it is impossible to solve. This is an honest and simple enough; I do not need no flowery phrases and euphemisms - and so the child does not know what awaits him after his parents' divorce (even adults are afraid of divorce), and do not confuse it even more.

• Say that both parents love him

Explain that the relationship between the parents have no effect on one fact: they both love their children.

• In general terms, tell us what changed in your life

With whom and where the child will live, how often it will be seen with the other parent will have to whether to go to a new school - all this he must know as soon as possible, but not at the moment when you collect your bags and say to him, to He sat in the car.

• Do not blame the wife in the presence of a child

Even if the cause of the divorce was his infidelity Treason: Fall or loyalty to yourself? The child loves him and everything must be done to ensure that he kept a good relationship with both parents.

• Give your child the opportunity to express their feelings

Hear it, and do not condemn what he said, no you. Recognize its right to feel anger and resentment on both parents. At the same time, do not insist that he spoke to you as soon as you have reported the divorce - may take some time, so he realized what was happening. Make sure that both will change his mood, and when you feel that he is ready to talk, let him know that you are willing to listen.

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