Psychologists in one voice say that for the normal development of the child should have a family. Fortunately, the kids who are not lucky enough to live with loving parents, you can help: the adoption allows the child to feel like a full member of the family who enjoy being taken care of, which is appreciated. However, to decide on adoption is often difficult.

Legal niceties

To adopt a child - thus making it a full-fledged member of the family, who will have all the same rights that have (or could have) own children. The law guarantees the confidentiality of adoption. To preserve the mystery of the child's name can be changed.

For adoptive parents are special requirements, the list of which is quite extensive. For example, persons deprived of their parental rights, have confirmed the incapacity of the courts who have no permanent residence or permanent income can not adopt a child. Besides, they are not allowed to adopt children, and those who can not take care of the child for health reasons (for many chronic diseases), as well as those whose housing does not meet certain social standards. In addition, you can adopt a far each child.

In short, there are many limitations to adoption. The procedure itself is rather complicated: it is necessary to collect a large number of documents. It is particularly difficult may be to adopt a baby whose biological parents are alive.

Different motivations

Couples decide to adopt for different reasons. For some, the adoption - the only way to become parents. For someone - a way to help your child. Someone is going to make this decision for years, and someone once saw in a magazine photograph of the baby-objector and the next day begins to collect documents.

If a conscious decision, and the parents are fully aware of their responsibilities, then set up so the family will certainly be happy. Much worse, if the couple decides to adopt a baby spur of the moment, vaguely imagining the consequences of such a step, and their responsibilities towards the child. If the couple idealizes foster child, then a collision with reality can be very painful for both parties: the parents will be disappointed and regret his decision, but the child did not receive the required him unconditional love. In the worst case, parents can resort to a very cruel way to "fix" their child to the matched their expectations. And in such a situation is indispensable consulting psychologist who works with foster families and foster children.

The expert who knows all the nuances of raising a child in a foster family, tells you what you should pay particular attention to how to behave with the baby, so he quickly adapted to the new life, how to help him get rid of old fears. In addition, a psychologist warned about possible difficulties and help a couple make the right decision: if the people will not morally ready for adoption, they may fit other forms of child in the family unit.

The mystery of adoption

As a rule, children are adopted at an early age, and they do not remember neither the biological parents nor life in an orphanage. Should I tell the child that he was adopted? This issue is of concern to many adoptive parents. Unfortunately, a clear answer to this question is no. Yet psychologists believe that sooner or later have to tell the child the truth until it's done by someone else.

Despite the fact that the confidentiality of adoption is protected by law, a situation where the "well-wishers" tell the child that he is adopted, it is widespread. Of course, to receive such information from their parents better than that of a neighbor or a nodding acquaintance.

Some parents manage, however, to keep a secret. To do this, they have to replace (sometimes repeatedly), place of residence and place of work, make new friends and to terminate relationships with old acquaintances. How justified such a conspiracy, can decide only the adoptive parents in each case. Few who can happily accept the fact that he was for many years cheated, and if the mystery is still open, it is unlikely to improve relations with the parents of the adopted child.

How to tell the child the truth? No specific prescriptions. Typically, psychologists are advised not to focus attention on the details of the biography: just casually tell the child that he - collection, which has become a favorite and family. Perhaps during adolescence the child will try to find their biological parents, this is perfectly normal. This desire is not evidence of lack of love for his adoptive mom and dad. It's only natural for everyone to want to touch my roots.

Features of "lapping"

Find a common language with the adopted child can be difficult. Even parents with their own children can not always agree, but this is the norm, and nobody is shocked. If a child is adopted, it is impossible to establish with him a warm relationship of trust is often perceived as a tragedy.

Adopted in a more or less conscious age, children do not always feel grateful to his adoptive parents, but rather the opposite - check out the new parents' strength. " However, the respect and the constant demonstration of love (which, however, does not imply excessive permissiveness) work wonders: from the time the child the confidence to parents and relations are improving. If you have problems, do not sin on bad heredity - it is better to turn to a psychologist, who will help find the child and the parents understanding.

Maria Bykov

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