On the first date First date: everything is just beginning   do not sleep, do not call first, do not get married less than a year later the relationship - that's all it is the rules of building relationships. The rules of the relationship. Her move - agreed to a date, its course - a break after the first date two or three days until the next call. His attack - a movie, dinner and all the ensuing consequences, it's counterattack - forget his spirits to leave the comb. About this game we are all, before you start to build a lasting relationship, what's next?

It ends if the game is on and really start a relationship, and we are all people who play the game? Shall we play a game before you build relationships? Or are we all so deeply involved in the game that do not see the point, after which the game is harmless flirtation turns into a dangerous game that could break the human heart and soul? My turn - your turn, attack - counterattack, but what's next? Then the attack, retreat, playing wins, the person with whom to play - a fiasco. We play this game until you get bored. Or until you have exhausted all the resources, and we will not tolerate final defeat or complete victory.

With infantile people everything is clear - they are dangerous game for them as themselves, of course, if they do not face the same children and their game does not go into mutual moral carnage.

Adults, at first glance, people have a wide variety of games in its arsenal. And begin to play, not negotiating. Not disclosing the rules without introducing penalties for violations. That is, by tacit agreement. While relations are developing normally - all happy, all are satisfied. But should one player Player in the family: safety rules   break the rules, the other immediately scream that's not fair.

Most games are fraudulent in nature and can have dramatic and far from exciting outcome. At its core, the game in the relationship is not any different than any other game, nothing more except the result.

So what is the game, what is its structure, main components?

1. Members.

The game always involves the presence of the players, and even if you do not want to play, then you can be pulled into someone else's game. Not knowing the rules.

2. Hidden meaning.

The meaning of the game in the relationship is to obtain moral satisfaction from the game win. When we say the word "game" that most often involve some kind of cheerfulness, fun. But in fact it is more difficult, fun and funny children's game Kids Games - mobile or smart?   Children - games adults are dangerous, can lead to problems both personal and social, and even mental illness. They are especially dangerous for those who do not know the rules of the game on who plays.

3. Win.

The second essential component of the game - win. We played only to win it. And is not valid slogan "The main thing is not to win, most importantly - participation." This is not the Olympics, and the psychological games - with human feelings. The winner is the only one. Winning is an essential feature of the game - its culmination.

The main types of wins, persecuted in the most typical games:

- The first group includes wins the most simple - they are persecuted in light games, do not have serious consequences. This stress relief, getting strokes (stroke moral - to provide a positive assessment of his personality, of his actions), preservation of balance. For example, a flirtation at the bar - psychologically exhausted. Everybody is happy, all is well.

- The second group of wins in games prosecuted insecure people, lack of confidence, which is usually hidden behind a low or high self-esteem. Yes, high self-esteem - a sign of insecurity. Winnings can be here - the acquisition of self-confidence, avoiding awareness of their own shortcomings.

For example, a man attends to the girl, but as soon as it starts to respond to his liking, he loses interest in it.

- The third group - it is wins in tough games. Games, which are to play a vital, it is the game of a lifetime. This may be the avoidance of dangerous, frightening situations in a relationship, for example, proximity or avoiding responsibility.

An example of such a game will be thousands of modern men, who now and then give birth to a serious relationship, it seems that everything is going as it should, acquaint you with the parents to discuss plans for life, and when the approach to the point where it is necessary to solve either married or ... ., they leave you for no apparent reason. Now they understood - he is afraid of responsibility or real intimacy, relationships where there is no room games.

Or women who in every relationship is a problem. She chooses men who deliberately hurt her. If you look at all - the same type, only the shell is different. The reason, again avoiding intimacy. Most women like to play the game - "Hit me again."

And finally, of course, interested in the question of how to avoid the games, what to do when you become someone else's player of the game? The best defense against game - the refusal to engage in any interaction. The game breaks down when there are no parties. If you break the rules it, it disappears.

The best relationships - it's proximity, and which hinder the achievement of the game. Proximity means trust, honesty in relationships. Society does not encourage frankness, as common sense dictates adult that it can be used against you. Therefore, in today's society many games. But proximity is so strong that, even without inner balance people can feel safe in the relationship and be able to give up the game. The proximity of the beginning of life, free from the games.

Lyudmila Beshirova specifically for the Women's Club

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